fighting the pressure to buy bigger, acquire more

[Queenofthecastle]

Here is my predicament:

I have always loved, owned and rehabilitated small older houses (three of them now) but I have a young growing family. It seems that people my age (mid-30's) are set on up-sizing and acquiring more things and bigger spaces to keep them in. That doesn't fit with my personal philosophy of living compactly, leaving a smaller footprint and reusing and loving what has already been built. But I get so much pressure from friends and family to move in the direction of buying a newer place large enough so that each person can have their own bedroom/bathroom, plus office, rec-room, media room, etc. You get the idea.

Not that I have the budget for all that stuff, but it seems like those are the standards of living for my generation, or else it's akin to child abuse. (heaven forbid my children have to share a bedroom!)

Someone has even suggested to me that I am not putting my children first when I consider buying an older home that needs works (yes, that includes scary things like lead paint and asbestos-wrapped original duct-work). but does this mean that the right thing to do would be to buy a large new-construction track-home in a pre-planned community?

I'll never go that direction. That's just not where my heart is. But how do I convince those around me that I am not selfish or crazy for wanting to revive and live in an old house with a growing family?

Has anyone else ever experienced this type of pressure? If so, how did you handle it?

[Breezy]

While friends and family mean well (usually) at the end of the day it's your life and you are the one who has to live in the house so buy what you want and enjoy it. :)

[vintage girl]

I live in a very small house (1100 sq feet) with three bedrooms and only one bathroom. I too was pressured for years by both family and friends to buy a larger home. I just smiled and ignored them, and continue to do so. I am a baby boomer and I grew up sharing a bedroom and living in a home with only one bathroom. We have forgotten the joy of owning something forever and cherishing what we have, instead of coveting what we don't have. Hopefully our current and future generations will get back to a more down to earth ideaology. Just smile and say you are more than happy with what you have:)

[chyna]

I'm in the same boat as you. My parents (as in my dad) is constantly making little remarks that I need a bigger house for all our stuff. The last time he said such I responded that we're getting rid of stuff so that won't be a problem for long. In my case the plan to add onto the house has lessened some of the pressure but that isn't why we're doing it. My livingroom is nowhere close to being big enough for tv, Wii and all else for a family living. Once we get it built the livingroom will be turned into a music/dining room and I can finally pull down the curtains and let the light in. :D At some point we also we like to add the other half of the second floor and move our dd up there. Then I'll have her room for my sewing and crafts. My dh thinks he'll be sharing it but he is sadly mistaken.:cool:

I'm all for just smiling and saying that you are comfortable in what you are doing. And if you need to go bigger you plan to buy a fixer upper that needs some lovin'. Mention that it is a learning experience for the kids. Kids should have to learn how to handle a hammer, use a screwdriver and any other basic how-to around a household. It will come in handy down the road.

[Queenofthecastle]

Part of the problem is that I have frequent out-of-town guests who have come to expect a full ensuite with full private bath for their stay.

I get the impression that some people think i am sliding backwards by wanting to downsize at this 'growing' stage in my life!

It does bother me that most people don't see the value in wanting to live in a smaller house, on a smaller lot - with children.

[vintage girl]

Motel 6 offers an ensuite:D I got rid of my guest bedroom the last time my sister came to visit and stayed for three months:eek: Our extra bedroom is our home office and the chiwi's room. They have a fireplace for the winter, their own tv and plenty of room for their beds. I just tell my relatives that if they want to share a bed with the chiwi's they can stay as long as they want;) Whenever I visit relatives or friends out of state, I always stay in a motel or we take our motorhome. That way I have my privacy and do not overstay my welcome:)

[RoseMary]

No room for guests is a problem (and sometimes a blessing) when you have a small home. There are four of us living in less than 1000 sq. feet. Anyone coming for more than a day has to go to a motel.

[cheapdiva]

You are an adult and must live your life by your values. If you feel pressured by your "friends", then it is time to either examine the friends you chose. At every age we feel pressured to "keep up" but it is how we respond that makes the difference. Last Sunday, Anne Curry did a fabulous Nightline on poverty in America. I generally don't watch this show (and actually tivo'd it since I am a 60 Minutes addict) but sat down on Monday to watch and was heartbroken.

We have so much in this country and tend to ignore those that don't. While there are people who bring this on themselves (the 21 year old who had her first child her junior year of high school and got pregnant with her second her senior year, then dropped out - and I noticed at the end of the feature she was pregnant with #4), many people are seriously hurting due to no fault of their own.

Could your friends maintain their lifestyles if one parent lost a job, got divorced or their spouse died? Do what's right for you and your kids will survive sharing a bedroom - until very recently did houses with separate bedrooms for everyone become the norm. And I think kids were better off learning to share space. I had 3 boys in bedroom until the oldest was going into high school.

[Queenofthecastle]

You are an adult and must live your life by your values. If you feel pressured by your "friends", then it is time to either examine the friends you chose. At every age we feel pressured to "keep up" but it is how we respond that makes the difference. Last Sunday, Anne Curry did a fabulous Nightline on poverty in America. I generally don't watch this show (and actually tivo'd it since I am a 60 Minutes addict) but sat down on Monday to watch and was heartbroken.

We have so much in this country and tend to ignore those that don't. While there are people who bring this on themselves (the 21 year old who had her first child her junior year of high school and got pregnant with her second her senior year, then dropped out - and I noticed at the end of the feature she was pregnant with #4), many people are seriously hurting due to no fault of their own.

Could your friends maintain their lifestyles if one parent lost a job, got divorced or their spouse died? Do what's right for you and your kids will survive sharing a bedroom - until very recently did houses with separate bedrooms for everyone become the norm. And I think kids were better off learning to share space. I had 3 boys in bedroom until the oldest was going into high school.


I saw that piece by Anne Curry as well and it does not surprise me as I grew up in poverty in a remote community and subsequently became a social worker.

I'm not so much worried about "me" in this whole thing, but the pressure on people of my generation to acquire more and bigger things. Obviously it's a recipe for disaster.

I try to live by example; less used is better. But somewhere along the line, it became socially unacceptable for 5 family members to use one small bathroom.

Last night I watched House of Cards on CNBC about the collapse of the housing market... I marvel at when our conspicuous consumption will all end, because it seems like we still haven't learned our lesson. :(

[Queenofthecastle]

Motel 6 offers an ensuite:D I got rid of my guest bedroom the last time my sister came to visit and stayed for three months:eek: :)

LOL! I'm with you there!

[chyna]

I'm a Gen X'er and it still amazes me at what people my age or younger are buying! I drive by these new subdivisions full of boats, jetskis, motorhomes and fancy trucks/cars. All I can think is that they are in debt up to their eyebrows if not more. I have to be at a comfortable level of debt and it is nowhere near that. :eek: Maybe that is one of the reasons hearing others talk about how spoiled my generation is just rackles me to no end, now where do they think we got the idea we needed bigger and better?

My parents generation apparently by the comments my dad makes all the time about us just getting rid of this house and getting a new one.:rolleyes: And how we need a bigger house. There are only 3 people living here! And we have one full bath and a half bath (that is what you call a sink and toilet right?) and two bedrooms. When we bought the house it actually had 3 bedrooms but the full bath was expanded and covered the "work" the previous owner started so now it is a bonus room.

You do what makes you comfortable and to hay with the rest.

[Carrie]

I know how I resist the urge to buy a bigger home. Bigger homes take more money and more time to maintain. I'm single, so I don't need a big home to maintain and I would never use a lot of extra rooms. Big homes take more money to heat and cool too, and I like being green and keeping a smaller footstep. I don't feel the need to buy a huge house as a status symbol.

[farmgal67357]

Okay, this is just me, but I don't bother trying to convince anybody of anything. I wonder how many of those people are up to their eyeballs in debt just tring to keep up with the Joneses. If you can find a polite way (or maybe not) of saying "mind your own business" I'd do it! But, again, that's just me........ :)

[shabbychick]

I'm with you, Farmgal. The trend today is really toward smaller homes (and smaller carbon footprints), less waste, and more togetherness. I'm hearing that young folks in their 20s are getting together to cook for entertainment instead of hitting clubs and drinking till they fall off the bar stool. For generations, families had one bathroom (and were lucky when it was indoors and not an outhouse) and children shared bedrooms with no ill effects. People forget, too, than when the house isn't big enough for children to romp around in, they can go OUTSIDE!! Kids are capable of enjoying all kinds of weather, unlike we adults who often only go out when it's not raining and within only a certain narrow band of degrees on the thermometer. I'd say tell your friends to butt out. Unlike many, many parents these days, you'll be able to afford your home and your lifestyle when others are out scrambling around to find enough cash to finance their lifestyles (and their children's inflated sense of what's necessary to keep them happy). My parents raised four children in a three-bedroom house (one of the bedrooms was a converted garage) with one small bathroom. We didn't know any better. Nobody we knew had master bathrooms for the parents. And when we had company, the company slept in our beds, and we kids slept on the floor in the livingroom and still managed to grow up to be normal, productive adults.

Your critics will eventually see that you're right. And when people come to visit and don't want to share a bath...they can always rent a motel.

[shabbychick]

Here's another thing that I think needs remedying. I live in a townhouse condo, as some of you know. It's about 1250 square feet, including the one-car garage (which I'm grateful to have). In our discussion about how big a house ought to be, I've started thinking about the use of space within the house and why things are built the way they are. For example, I have two full baths upstairs and a powder room downstairs. There's one of me, and four bathroom sinks (the master bath has two sinks). Everyone tells me a place with that many bathrooms is better for resale, and at this point, I can't afford to convert the baths to anything else, anyway, but I've got to wonder why anyone needs four bathroom sinks and two full baths in a two-bedroom house. If it had been me, I'd have made one large bath upstairs then used the extra space for a laundry room or for storage or even a little sitting area.

There's also a giant area at the entry way where you look up and up to the ceiling of the second story. There's a window up there you can't reach to clean or look out of, and a light fixture you can't reach to change the bulbs in. Why is that? Who thinks that's a good idea? Wouldn't it make more sense to build a little landing up there that you could use as a reading nook and use lighting that you could conveniently reach? There's a room full of space up there that isn't being utilized. I just don't understand the way house builders think, I guess.

I'm all in favor of homes with smaller footprints. It seems to me, though, that when we're doing that, we could come up with better ways to build within that footprint that give you more useful space rather than just more empty space.

[chyna]

shabby I'm so with you on the bathrooms. When we were looking at our house the current owner was renovating and installing a full bath upstairs and a third bathroom in a bedroom downstairs. You should have seen the hairy eyeball I got when I asked how many bedrooms is there? and how many bathrooms? when we were making an offer on the place I told the realtor to tell the contractor to cease and desist on the bathrooms! I'm still in shock. the bedrooms in this place are small enough as it is and they were going to take room away to put in full bathrooms?!:eek:

Stupid!!!

[mac78]

You all made some very good points. I know from experience right now, that if our house payment would of been any larger than it is now, that we would of lost our home since Dave lost his job 10 months ago. It is under $550 per month, and we managed to make our payment each month. We have learned to live on a lot less.

I grew up with 7 girls in 1 home, slept 3 to a bed until I was 12, and we only ever had 1 bathroom (Wow I now feel sorry for my dad). We were poor as kids, and never got anything new, but we always had food, clothing, and went to the doctor when needed, and my parents paid for it all. Our home when we bought it was 1400 sq ft, it is now about 1800 sq ft with the addition. I also work out of our home with a childcare business, and the extra space is a Godsend. I couldn't of done it without the extra space. Our home was built in 1968, not updated, but clean and homey and I am forever always changing something, and I can even afford to heat and cool it.

This is a good thread, enjoyed reading it.

[Seattle Cottage Lover]

What great feedback! I admire and respect your (and the C&B community) in standing your ground. I always find it interesting when it's the people who aren't paying your mortgage making the suggestions to live large.

Yes, when you have a larger place you have room to have people stay (for 3 months?!) Whew!

I had a 2 bedroom place because I always wanted a place where my parents could come and stay. I was there for 6 years. They stayed for a weekend, once. Now I have a tiny studio. It is less to clean and maintain. People visit and I entertain (quite a lot)!

I think we who are living small are the "wave of the future". We are getting back to home and hearth and that is a really good thing! We have found the secret to a simplier life!

Stand your ground!

[mac78]

Growing up as a kid, (I am f-i-f-t-y) we had 9 people in a home with 1 bathroom. When Dave and I were looking for a home to buy, I told him it HAS to have 2 bathrooms (or at least 2 toilets) because I am tired of standing in line. ;) Our home has 2 1/2 baths, but the baths are very small and if either one of us ever was handicapped in anyway, we would have to renovate them. There is a hall bathroom, our bedroom has a bathroom, and the utility room has 1/2 bath.

I always cringe on HGTV when people comment about how "small" the master baths are. OMG, just what do they plan on doing in there. They are made to potty and shower in. That's all. Why do they need this hudge space bigger than my kitchen.

[Queenofthecastle]

I always cringe on HGTV when people comment about how "small" the master baths are. OMG, just what do they plan on doing in there. They are made to potty and shower in. That's all. Why do they need this hudge space bigger than my kitchen.

LOL! I know what you mean!

[chyna]

LOL:p I know, when I watch those house search shows and the people are complaining about the tubs being too small to have more than one person in it. and just often are more than one person going to be in that tub?! :rolleyes:

[memmey]

check this out!
http://www.cnbc.com/id/38757287
Just as I thought a smaller footprint is in the future.

[Queenofthecastle]

check this out!
http://www.cnbc.com/id/38757287
Just as I thought a smaller footprint is in the future.

that was a neat read - thanks for sharing! It is reassuring (and relieving) to see that the MacMansion trend has been put to bed.

[Seattle Cottage Lover]

Great article! Yaaaa, Less is More!!!

[Seattle Cottage Lover]

I saw this segment on CBS Sunday Morning. I thought I'd share:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/05/23/sunday/main6511242.shtml?tag=cbsnewsTwoColUpperPromoArea

[shabbychick]

Thanks for that link. Those are some interesting houses. I guess you can turn almost anything into a home if you have enough imagination, time, and money. Especially money. :)

[farmgal67357]

I hope it hits the KCMO area, there are McMansions EVERYWHERE! Everytime hubs and I see one we go YUCK!

[shabbychick]

I was reading an article today about how many boats have been abandoned by their owners and thought what a cool guest cottage a boat would make even if you didn't have water to put it in. Heck, they're bigger than those tumbleweed cottages, so if you really had a mind to, I suppose you could even live in it. Or you could line up a bunch of them on some land and create an instant motel!

[canadiyank]

Love this thread! We kept making the guy who was drawing our house plans make them smaller and smaller...we wanted something between 16-1700 sq. ft. and he kept giving us back this 4000 sq. ft. things. Ummm, do you have the extra half-mill to build that, buddy? LOL! Besides, our city lot is not that big! We did put in an unfinished basement, which is nice. Baby is in with us right now but when she can manage the stairs she'll move in with one of her sisters.