Entertaining "Cottage" Style

[rubyslippers]

Entertaining scares me. My family "doesn't" really count. I can burn dinner and they can sit on the floor because they are "family" - - however, real honest to goodness entertaining scares me. We didn't have a lot of people over to my house growing up, so I guess in my adult spaces, (after the college years when people just dropped by as they pleased), I just got used to not having people over.

Well, part of the reason I want to work on my deck area is because I feel so comfortable with a picnic-style get-together. Plus, the commercial thing was kind of like an initiation by fire. However, in all seriousness, how do you handle multiple guests in a small space? We all have nice collections; however, we also have things we don't want to get broken.

For me, at this time, I only have one bathroom. I don't have anything "embarassing" in my medicine cabinet; however, the intimate nature of cottages invites people into your private space more immediately than a larger house would. For our family and very close friends, this equals immediate familiarity. However, with larger groups, it can leave me a little panicky. The space is small; so, people tend to just give themselves a tour. They aren't being rude at all. The space flows very well; you are also incredibly close to the Master bedroom if you intend to go to the bathroom. So, all rooms need to be clean-enough for large amounts of company.

I'm a warm and friendly person. I'm a good cook. I also feel like I am now in a space where I can have people over; however, it petrifies me. To take that step to having the Sunday school class over - - well, I just might have an anxiety attack. However, one other couple that we normally meet "out-on-the-town" isn't quite enough people. One of the things I am working on involves furniture flow (we need some comfy outdoor seating and some stand-in functional outdoor sitting). Plus, we are looking at a cute chaise and loveseat and/or an overstuffed chair and ottoman to round-out the living room. People need a few more resting stoops.

I'm not overly critical of other people's homes; however, I realize that I let rental living "cramp-my-style", and I guess as a grown up, I just never learned to do all of this stuff.

So, while we all love those perfect evenings that just happen, is anyone else willing to admit that outside the family / friends circle that they get a little panicky about this stuff. By the way, just for those of you still getting to know me, I do not have a problem with social functions away from my home. I am a good guest. I know my manners. I also know how to throw a pretty good party at an "off-site" location (wedding - - shower - - pizza place get-together); BUT, I get the jitters at my house. I feel like I hover over people.

I guess practice makes perfect. Plus, having time to pull things together just a little more (like the patio furniture) would be nice. With that said, I refuse to be one of those people who needs perfection to invite over some work buddies; however, I'm evidently suffering from that syndrome right now.

If you have been entertaining for years, then would you please offer some suggestions. Thanks, your closeted company phobic friend.

Please remember, I am talking about "real" company - - the sort of acquaintance level - - not the good buddy / family level.

Thanks,

Jenny

[ChapterTwo]

As time has passed, I have come to appreciate the fact that we are all different, and that I am not the kind of person who enjoys entertaining tons of people. While my mother did it with ease and grace (not to mention exemplory cooking skills!), it's just not something I really enjoy, and so I stopped trying to force myself to be someone I'm not. Life is too short to have to have a knot in one's stomach any more than absolutely necessary!

That's one of the few things I love about being older - I've grown comfortable in my own skin! While I'm perfectly fine around my immediate friends and family, or on a one-on-one basis, I am shy in large groups, and I know now that this is one of the things that make me "me". I embrace it, and have become much kinder to myself.

Now for you, it might be a goal to change this certain aspect of yourself, which is fine, too. In that case, I'd recommend you just keep entertaining small groups of guests on a semi-regular basis, and it will be become more second nature to you. Prepare lots of lists, hone your special recipes and tell yourself, "I CAN do this!" As you said, practice makes perfect, and when you're confident that you're well prepared, I think it will become easier for you. Good luck with it all, Jenny!

[Gigi]

Dear Jenn- My husband and I use to entertain quick a bit- small party of four or large party of almost 100- the first thing we always did was make sure the house was clean- grass cut-trimmed, etc... then it seemed everything else was easy to put together. Do party shopping at the latest one day before.

Luckily when we have hosted a party- especially if it was family everyone brought something- this always made a wonderful spread.

Here's a glimp of our typical noon party: An hour before guests arrive I always light a bunch of glowing candles, and hopefully grab some fresh flowers (anything in bloom) from our yard.

Winter: I always go with a large meat- like a turkey, ham or roast. Rolls, salad, and a side round out the meal. This way everyone can either have a sandwich or meat on the side.

Summer: GRILL- Chicken, corn on the cob- fresh veggies and fruits. Sides may include fresh potatoe salad.

Beer in the coolers several hours before- wine in the frig and a soda station.

And remember NO matter how large or small a home is- the party ALWAYS ends up in the kitchen!

If I was hosting a party that had several children- I would always put out a little table of crafts to keep busy hands...well busy. Sometimes a movie and popcorn would work- but if the TV is where the adults are talking that might not work.

Over the years my husband and I have hosted dozens and dozens of parties--good friends, people from the community, family, neighbors---very warm nice memories.

And oh I forgot- I had my "co-workers" over one night- I served a meat dish and a veggie dish- and again everyone stayed in the kitchen mostly. I remember giving my home an extra clean. Also it was nice someone brought over a machine to make fancy drinks (which I have NO idea) how to do. I think that something special would be nice like a special icy drink, etc...

[Zuzu's Garden]

I spent some time living with panic and fear while building my house. Turns out that if fear is part of the equation of doing something I really want to do, then it can be managed.

For me, entertaining is like dating. Meet for coffee. If that goes well, then
meet for dinner and a movie. If that goes well, then meet for a casual get-together at your house. By that time, you are inviting friends over instead of accquaintances, and you will be able to enjoy the time you spend together too. No worries.

In my recipe box, I keep what I call a "count down" list. It includes what to buy and make when - from flowers to hors d'oeuvres to main dishes, side dishes, serving ware, linens, desserts, drinks, etc. I have a count down list for Thanksgiving, Cook-outs, and Camping. It's easy when the basics and the details are already planned out and I just follow the steps.

:)
Zu

[cheapdiva]

Oh this is just a great thread! One of my favorite things to "cook" when I am having more than 4 - 6 people over is either a salad or potato bar. make a big toss salad and have tons of fixins out - not just the usual sour cream and chives but black beans, corn, salsa, chopped ham, broccoli, olives, peppers, - I usually have about 15 different toppings. ALL of these ingredients can go on either a salad or a potato. And you can do most of this a day ahead since it really just involves chopping stuff up and putting in containers. Use all those fun little jars, bowls and plates you have! People love this!

And you don't have to worry about who eats what, who's a vegetarian, etc. We do a big party every July and the wine and beer go into the wheelbarrow, soda in buckets, lots of finger foods. Little white lights and candles go everywhere and we always are short on chairs but this encourages mingling. We generally end up with 40+ at this party. Kids are invited and I start looking early for fun putzy stuff for them - bubbles, crayons, sidewalk chalk, etc. Go to the dollar store or when you see things CHEAP pick them up and put them away.

Our holiday open house has been simplified greatly over the years - down to cold appetizers (with one exception - meatballs in the crockpot), but plenty of them and sweets. The bar is a red plastic bucket with the white wine, a tub on the kitchen floor with the beer and soda and the reds on the buffet. this way, the bar isn't in one spot and it doesn't get congested and again, it keeps people moving!!! and because we end up with a crowd and don't have seating for 50, people mingle.

HERE IS MY #1 RULE for entertaining - make is simple so YOU enjoy yourself. Use paper plates and plastic silver. Though I do put real glasses (cheap wine glasses from IKEA 6/$4.99 - I buy in bulk, don't care if they get broken and run them through the dishwasher - something I don't do with my "good" things). If you are too tired to enjoy your own party and clean up can't be done in half an hour - then it's too much!!

Better yet, call us and we'll come help!!!!!:D

[annielinz]

I grew up in a family that never really entertained (aside from family), my folks were a little on the reclusive side. However, whenever people popped over they were gracious hosts.

When the family was all living here I enjoyed having them over, but since they've all moved away or are no longer with us we don't have that opportunity anymore :(.

I've never been a big entertainer. A lot of it is lack of confidence, house too small or never "finished" kind of thing. Real stupid reasons.

I have a friend who loves to cook always has people over, never worries if her house is perfect or clean. I need to adopt that philosophy.

I would never even consider having a large gathering...I would be in such a panic, small groups I'm more comfortable with and close friends only. I would need major drugs if I was putting on a Wedding like Gigi at my house!

I admire all who enjoy it. I know I've got the skills, but need to push myself out of my comfort zone.

Since my house is small I do prefer (when we do entertain) is to have it when the weather is nicer so the yard can be used. We did a Spuds and Suds party and did beer tasting. I cooked huge baked potatoes with all the fixins' and all kinds of beer, it was fun. Ummm might have to try that one again. Theme party's do help get you motivated.

This is a great thread, glad to see I'm not alone with my fears.

[rubyslippers]

Hello everyone, I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for your thoughtful responses. As a child, my family spent a lot of time visiting extended family an hour or so away. I have fabulous memories of these times. I am lucky to have loved ones in the area now; however, my friends from childhood are rather scattered and I did not go to college around here. So, in some ways, while living near my hometown, I am in the process of finding and forging a lot of new friendships.

Your ideas are so very thoughtful like just taking care of all of the cleaning as Gigi mentioned. I love the ideas of the sidewalk chalk and the bubbles and the beer and soda stations. I also like some of the theme ideas. With that said, the candor of your responses really inspires me. I appreciate that some of you love to entertain; meanwhile, some of you recognize it just isn't your cup of tea. I hope Memmey checks in soon because she has a regular little supper party group doesn't she? I also know Maria helped start a community garden in her little courtyard. I love the idea of the wine glasses and the plastic-ware. I think "stocking-up" on wine glasses and plastic forks would go a long way to helping me feel better.

I think some people are truly gifted entertainers. It doesn't make me intrinsically panicky or miserable; however, I am much shyer about it than my personality would have people believe. I wish you all could just come over and help. In the meantime, your kind thoughts are greatly appreciated.

Thanks everyone!

[shabbychick]

I enjoy entertaining, but I am not that crazy about cooking. I have a small place and a really small kitchen, and trying to pull together something like a holiday meal with one small oven is stressful. Here is my recipe for success:

1. The crock pot is my friend.

2. Make-ahead side dishes served cold or at room temperature are always appropriate.

3. When a guest RSVP's and says, "Can I bring something?" the appropriate answer is, "Why, yes!"

As I said in another thread, whenever possible, I plan my parties for weeks when the housekeeper (who is worth her weight in gold) comes to clean. I have finally learned, though, that there is no need to give a complete tour of the house every time I have company, and leaving some doors closed is actually okay when I have a room that is less than pristine.

I've yet to give a dinner party that came off without a hitch, where I didn't open the fridge after the guests left and say, "Oh my God, I forgot to serve the (fill in the blank), or where there was not an unfortunate episode with something that barfs, sheds, curdles, or catches fire just as guests are arriving. I just ply everyone with alcohol and munchies the minute they come through the door, and soon enough, they're happy to overlook my shortcomings. I find hors d'oeuvres are great things to let other people bring because it cuts down on the number of foods I have to have on the table by the time guests arrive, and then I can enjoy my guests' company while I cook and they snack and exclaim over each other's contributions. It takes enough of an edge off their hunger that they're okay with it if dinner is a little bit behind schedule (as it almost always is). I usually do a make-ahead dessert like a trifle that looks fancy but is really easy to assemble and looks good hours longer than I do!

Someday I may pull off a dinner party without a hitch, but so far I haven't found that my many hitches cut down on the number of people who accept invitations to my house. I tell myself that my fumbles and bumbles make them feel comfortable because I don't come off all Martha Stewart (no offense to Martha, of course, because she rocks) and make them feel like they can't compete.

Another cool tip: Trader Joe's makes lots of wonderful heat 'n eat hors d'oeuvres and thaw 'n serve desserts that look just as good as they taste. I used to think everything had to be homemade, but I gave that up awhile ago. That and chopping up my own vegetables for the veggie tray. For thirteen bucks I can buy a veggie tray, redistribute it on one of my own dishes, add some cheese and cold cuts, and save the pint of blood I would otherwise lose when I cut myself multiple times trying to slice all those vegetables.

I figure people come to see me and to see each other, to visit, and to get away from their everyday routines. The only one who really worries about what's not perfect is me, and I'm happier when I rein in my ambitions and put on the party I have time, space, and money to put on rather than the party I wish I had time, space, and money to put on.

[chyna]

Keep in mind that Martha Stewart also has loads of assistants to help her with her super parties. Not everyone can do that. ;) I'm like you though Jenny and am a wreck when people come over for a get-together. Someday I'll get over that because I love to host parties. It is just the cleaning and sprucing up that stresses me out. :o

[Gigi]

Jenn- Hi again- I also was thinking---your home is super charming---the conversation will flow because of moving in a new home---everything else will fall in place...

Just remember click your heels twice and say "I'm home." ;)

[rubyslippers]

I'm appreciative of all of the ideas from all of the people who enjoy entertaining. I believe entertaining provides an intimacy that is not obtainable in a restaraunt; however, with that comes a little more stress on the part of the hostess. It takes a little time; and, time (even well planned time) is not something I have a lot of these days.

So, I think I'll put this on the back burner while I "stock-up" a little and get the back porch a little more organized.

Keep the stories coming - - (ahem, the disaster stories make me feel better) - - so thanks for those as well.

Bye,

Me

[Gigi]

You want to hear a TRUE dinner party story :eek:

Acouple years ago we entertained a neighbor who was a former White House physican for the President... We invited him, his wife, and three lovely daughters AND we invited some close friends.... Well it went like this....

Dinner at 7:00- Our neighbors were right on time... 7:30 came and went...8:00 came and went...then FINALLY at 8:45 our friends arrived- BUT the late comers wife was drunk-NO plastered...

OMGosh she started ranting and raving about the antics of Monica L.... to the doctor... I was soooooooooooo not entertained-

Okay it would have been okay (well almost) BUT their children were here too. I could have cried...needless to say I don't need friends like that.

We still remain good friends with our neighbors- and actually Laugh about that night (years later of course!)...

So there-as much as we entertain- sometimes it is a complete circus! :cool: (That's me hiding under the glasses!!!!)

[rubyslippers]

Sometimes things become funny years later and other times they don't ... I find that incredibly amusing. Thanks Gigi. Now you can go hide under the glasses again. (...still chuckling)

[CohenCottage]

This thread was so timely for me...we are having newish friends over for the first time on Tuesday, and I'm nervous for no reason. I'm a great cook (you can toot your own horn, right?) and our house is clean, so I wasn't sure why I was getting nervous. Now I've decided just to make my favorite thing (homemade pizza and salad) and relax!

[rubyslippers]

I don't think you can go wrong with pizza and salad ... I like to make "red" (tomato) and "green" (pesto) pasta for Christmas. Salad, garlic bread, (store bought - - sorry - - cheesecake), and maybe meatballs all can be prepared in advance. However, I have only done this twice for my parents and a family friend (grand total of five people) who do not count as company. So, I guess I could recreate this meal "out-of-season" so-to-speak.

If the house is clean and you are a good cook, then you will be fine. Let us know how it goes. Personally, I would be thrilled to eat homemade pizza and salad, but that is just me.

Bye,

Jenny

[Gigi]

Hey I'd be happy with a peanut butter & jelly sandwich if I didn't have to make it :D

I think just enjoying company is what is nice.

[yarborough house]

My family never entertained at all. I can't remember ever having someone over for dinner that wasn't a grandparent visiting or kids that were sleeping over. So, it is hard for me. We did go to family reunions every 4 years and there were tons of relatives for a 3 day time period and it made me a bit uncomfortable to be around so many.

Then I went to college and well frat parties were fun - or at least I remember them as fun but it could have been all the alcohol making it seem fun :)

Now I am married to a man who's family is like the entertainers of the year. If there is the slightest reason to have people over they do. They do crawfish boils, big pig roast, etc...you get the picture. Well I can't do it.

I do best if we do cookouts so everyone is outside..Today we had my son's
6th bday party.. a cookout at lunch time with family and friends equaling 16 people..it was fine I guess because I was more interested and focusing on it being fun for a 6 year old that I didn't have time to worry about how it was for others.

Our neighborhood did a progressive dinner 2 years ago before Christmas..there were 6 homes and the guest went from house to house doing the courses of the meals...I was soup..I had to make enough soup for over 32 people..so I worked all day on 3 different soups and by the time it was time to head out the door for cocktails I was a nervous wreck and didn't go. I sat upstairs watching Dora the Explorer when they got to my house..
That told me that those kind of things do make me feel good and to work that hard to do something that I couldn't even enjoy was not for me. So, this last year we opted out of doing it..and I am glad it was a much nicer peaceful holiday season. I decided to do a holiday brunch for my family and about 4 other people instead and it was more fun.

I guess really it comes down to entertaining those that make you feel comfortable otherwise it isn't "entertaining" is it?

[mac78]

I just read this thread. Jenny, your home is adorable, and you should never worry about that. Our entertaining usually consist of family dinners (and I come from a huge family), neighbors coming over, or good friends coming over. We are very laid back doing buffet/family style, or outdoor cookouts. My kitchen is very small, so more than one or two in there and it is cramped. I love having company, and my hubby likes to cook, so it works for us. Hubby and I don't do well in the kitchen together....too small of a space.

I understand about the bedroom/bathroom thing. Our bedroom is always a mess, if you don't know where to put it it goes in there kind of thing......and the main bathroom is by the bedroom. I would die if someone looked in it. lol

Anyways, I hope by now you have had a party and I bet it went fine. Small groups and easy foods are the way to go.

[cheapdiva]

Gigi - I'll meet you for the pb&j's!
Mac - that's what doors are for - to close when there is a mess!!

I LOVE to entertain and love being entertained. The way I see it, I don't want anyone to get crazy over a get-together so there for I don't get too crazy. You better be coming to my home because of great conversation, good wine and okay food. I'm coming to yours for the same reason.

I have a friend who is a true gourmet and it bothered me for awhile that there was no way I was going to compete with her cooking skills. She HAS the time to spend hours in the kitchen, and she loves it. I don't have the time and don't want to spend hours in the kitchen. I have other talents and I just have to remind myself of that on occasion;)

[CohenCottage]

Our pizza, salad, and beer dinner party last week was a big success, and I will have to say that it is so nice to only have to straighten a bit before people come over. I'm in love with having the housekeeper and am trying to figure out if we could afford to have her come weekly. It just makes everything more pleasant and we don't fight nearly as much.

We also had a completely unplanned dinner with friends last Friday night. They brought beer and we had good takeout pizza and salads (do you notice a trend). Since it was so last minute, we didn't clean at all, but they are pretty good friends and the house was only a little cluttery.

We are going to a potluck easter party this weekend and I'm supposed to bring two salads that do not contain nuts. Does anyone have any suggestions? I have one planned but still need one more!

[Lisa S]

Cohen ~ you'll like this: Instead of the annual Easter egg hunt and dinner, my friend invited us all out for Easter Pizza. Sounds great to me!

I think if you don't like entertaining, don't do it. Personally, I really enjoy it. I try to provide a clean, pretty atmosphere, decent food and lots of wine. I don't give a thought to people having a good time, I just assume they will!