What did I get myself into?

[mac78]

Our youth pastor is getting married tonight at 5:30. Ashley and I were SUPPOSED to be going but.......

Last Sunday at the youth car wash I worked at, the youth pastor asked Ashley and a couple other kids if they would help out at his wedding reception on Friday, doing the food, transporting it to receptions, keeping it filled, etc. They said yes. I stood there thinking, ok, now no Ashley to go to wedding and reception with.....so I told Nate if he needed anymore help, I could help.

So, Wednesday afternoon at 4, he calls. Asks me if I would be in charge of the food for his wedding. To transport it all to the receptions, set it all up, keep it filled, etc. I am thinking OMG, how did it come to this?????? Of course stupid me says.....OK. He then says at 4 on Wednesday that will need to set down and talk to me to let me know what they want done. OK, I had 2 things to do after work, and offered to go to their house later in the evening. He says, we are running here and there, do your kids still nap in the afternoon. Well, umm, yes. Is it ok if we come over between 1 and 2 to talk to you. What choice but to say yes.

So Thursday, she comes over, with a diagram of the set up, tells me what to do, etc. I will be transporting EVERYTHING from church to ice rink where the reception is being held. I figure it will take about 3 trips in the van. There are 4 sheets cakes, several roasters to start with. She said something about taking the wedding cake (they ordered on Tuesday of this week), and I told her I wasn't too keen on transporting that, I didn't want to be responsible for it. But I bet it will be there when I get there.

So , I am leaving work early at 4:30 to start this process. When I offered to help, I had no idea this is what would take place. I really like Nate, but he is a procrastinator, ass backwards kind of guy. I hope 2 hours is enough to do everythihing. OMG Help!

The ladies of the church are making the food at the church, but don't want to transport so they can see wedding.

[ChapterTwo]

Oh, Marie! We have all been in situations somewhat similar, where we are taken advantage of (although I must admit, this is pretty HUGE!)

This is not going to help you now, but in the future...when asked something of any great consequence like this, I say, "Oh...I'm not sure - I'll have to get back to you." THAT gives you some thinking room.

But, alas, it's too late for that today. Do you have any close friends or relatives that can give you some help? Remember the adage - Many hands make light work!

As for the wedding cake, I would get that straight RIGHT NOW. Puh-leeze don't let it to chance that it will be there. These people seem to excel in taking advantage (sorry, but that's the way I see it), and it is not right that you have that responsibility, along with all the rest. You're only human, for Pete's sake!

Tell them that you are NOT comfortable with transporting the wedding cake, and do NOT (I repeat, DO NOT) let them talk you into it. I am sure the bakery where it is being made has provisions for bringing wedding cakes to venues (with a special truck to assure safe travel).

It gets me very upset to hear about this because as I said, in my younger years, I've been put in similar spots too. It's not fair that irresponsible people like the bride and groom make their problems YOUR problems. :( They seem to take advantage of the kind, good-hearted types.

Good Luck with it all, Marie - I'd truly be glad to help you if only you lived in my area. I'll be thinking/hoping/praying about all of this!

[yarborough house]

oh my, been there had that done to me.
I agree it seems they are taking a HUGE advantage of you.
The hardest thing to learn or do when you really are a nice person and just want to help - is to say - NO. It is difficult but it must be done at times. Especially like this one. He as you said is a procrastinator, and he just lumped this huge responsibility on you. There are people that do that for a living- caterers etc.. and they get paid for the frustration.
Next time do as CT said- say I will have to think about that and get back to you? Then take time to really think it through and don't feel good if your answer is No. Sometimes we bite off more than we can chew and we need to say no.

Funny thing - how were all these kids going to accomplish this before he dumped it on you? And how completely insensitive for him to come over during nap time when he knew it was nap time..seems for a pastor and his new wife they need a to take some remedial classes on tact, and how to be polite.

hope it goes well- but just take your time, enjoy yourself some too- you are not the caterer so put the food out then walk around and have some fun too..you aren't an employee no matter how they threw it at you

[RoseMary]

Oh, Marie, what a rude thing to do to you! I hope that you can get this worked out and don't have to do ALL of it yourself! Maybe you can talk a couple of the ladies into helping you~surely when you explain to them:confused:?? I'm sorry you've been taken advantage of in this way. As for the wedding cake~you told them you didn't want to move it, so if it's still there, I'd just leave it. It's their wedding cake--they'll find someone to move it!

What about some teenage boys? Are there any in the youth group that could help you move everything.

Sounds like this couple needs to grow up and take some responsibility. I've been in situations sort of like this and after a time or two, I learned to say NO.

[mac78]

Thanks for the words ladies. There are 4 high school or just graduated youth helping me, so I am not alone at least. One other mom I know told me to come get her if I needed help.

The cake....I did tell her I didn't want to transport, Ashley and I have bets on whether or not it will be waiting for us.

Nothing is catered, the ladies of the church are doing it.

I'll say a BIG prayer before I leave. I really like the youth pastor....he is about 25, but I have one word for him....SCATTERBRAINED.

[ChapterTwo]

I really like the youth pastor....he is about 25, but I have one word for him....SCATTERBRAINED.


Oh, Marie, I've been thinking of you all day! I'm glad things seem to be coming together.

It's one thing if he wants to be scatterbrained (Yes, it IS a choice!)...but he shouldn't let it affect others!

[Gigi]

Marie- You are certainly earning your wings! What a wonderful thing you are doing....AND we are understand and that's what is so great about this forum...we can vent, talk, laugh, cry....just tell it like it is and how we feel.

I really really hope you get the help you need---can't wait to hear about it all.

I just love weddings....

P.S. I do feel they took a bit advantage of you... perhaps they can pay you back in the near future. ;)

[ChapterTwo]

I just love weddings....




Oh, Gigi, I used to feel that way...

But after all I've seen in my lifetime, I've become very cynical about weddings.
Nowadays so many people spend so much time/money/energy on the wedding, but not much time/thought/caring about the MARRIAGE. :confused:

[Gigi]

Chaptertwo- I certainly feel the same way when I see someone spending up to 100k on a wedding--

The wedding we are having in September will be low key- homecooking by family- good times- sharing of a blessed event....

[Lisa S]

We spent $25 on two wedding bands, $25 on a hotel room (breakfast included), $15 at the justice of the peace. I wore a pretty dress that I wore to work and my husband wore a nice pair of black pants and a shirt. My flowers we're the dried wild flowers that I had picked the day we went for a hike and Dan proposed. I cried through the whole ceremony because I was so overcome with love and happiness. It was the best wedding ever!

[RoseMary]

Lisa, what a romantic story!! I teared up a little reading it. Thanks so much for sharing. Weddings don't have to be expensive to be perfect!

[ChapterTwo]

Chaptertwo- I certainly feel the same way when I see someone spending up to 100k on a wedding--

The wedding we are having in September will be low key- homecooking by family- good times- sharing of a blessed event....


It doesn't even have to be that much money (Gulp! Who has that much money to spend on a wedding?) - it's just that the emphasis seems to be more on all the fun and frivolity before the marriage...no wonder so many people are in a funk after they get to "real life".

Good for you with the upcoming wedding; it will be wonderful, I'm sure!

[Lynzee]

I'm just catching up on posts and saw this. How did it go, Marie?

Lisa ~ your story is so beautiful!

[mac78]

I was gone from 4:30 to 12:15 a.m.
We got to the church at 4:30 to transport the food, and most of it was already there. One of the ladies said there was no way the I or the other lady could of even carried the roasters full of food to my van, they were way too heavy. They used 2 guys to carry each. So, we did get out of the transporting of the food except for a few smaller items.

They didn't have ice, so we went to buy ice and gather more coolers. The reception was at the ice rink, and it really isn't equipped for anything like this.

We had the food tables and dessert tables to set up. 2 moms and 4 teenagers helping. We got it done in time, but no way would of if we would of had to transport. So I was so relieved that the older ladies and men realized the guys should do that part.

We had to call the police dept to come and open the little room with a sink so we could have running water. No paper towls, no dish cloths (Of course I remembered and took my own. lol) Within the first 10 minutes of the line going thru we were out of lemonade and the kids had to go buy more.

Overall, it went well. We ran out of some of the food before everyone got to eat. It got cold, it was an outside reception. I ran my butt off for about 4 hours straight. But, the other mom was a big help, and the kids did good till the band started then they kind of wandered away. But that was ok, they were helping out quite well during the dinner.

They kind of had a strange meal. Well, I thought.
Chicken sandwiches, turkey sandwiches
Mashed potatoes and noodles
Vegetable and fruit tray
Chips and nachos
Cheese tray
Lemonade and water to drink. Hot water for hot choc, coffee packets, and tea
Dessert table with ice cream and about 8 toppings, strawberry shortcake stuff, root beer float stuff,
A tiny 2 tiered wedding cake that we didn't eat????
And then for cakes it was peanut butter cake....very thin snack size cake and some kind of fuit cake with chocolate on bottom and strawberries, bananas on top. No real sheet cakes and no wedding cake. So kind of different.

Over all it worked out and went well. We were thanked. I don't really want to do it again. lol. It was very stressful to me.

It would of helped if there was a place to prep food, if they would of had a case of paper towels, dish soap, saran wrap, etc. Just not a very good place for a reception because it isn't equipped.

I was up several times during the night with leg cramps in both legs. I think it was because I was in my sandals walking on concrete for 8 hours and I was cold and shivering and my legs cramped up.....or else I am getting old. lol\

Thanks for your kind thoughts. I was so nevous all day about it....Honestly, the worst part for me was done...the transporting of food. But I really don't know if I cold of picked up the roasters of food, they were extremely heavy.

It is over with...YEA, and today I am cleaning garage for Ashley's grad party in 2 weeks. Never a moment to rest.

[ChapterTwo]

It is over with...YEA, and today I am cleaning garage for Ashley's grad party in 2 weeks. Never a moment to rest.

Thank goodness! I'm so glad, for your sake, that you didn't have to transport the food and all.

Yes, the menu does seem weird and do you mean that the guests weren't invited to eat the tiered wedding cake?

I hope your legs will be feeling better now!

It's true...never a time to rest. HOWEVER...at least you're not on a ridiculously pressured schedule with cleaning the garage. Believe me, Marie, you'll (almost) be happy to be doing that, compared with the stress of yesterday! Whew...;) I'm happy for you...

[Heather]

I'm glad it all worked out for you Marie!

[shabbychick]

Holy cow, you've been a busy girl! Seems odd that the pastor didn't just have his reception at the church since it's set up for food prep and serving (and is where he works). When did wedding receptions become huge meals? I remember when it used to be cake, punch, a few pastel-colored mints, and a cup of coffee, with no committment to spend the rest of the day hanging out with other people you don't know. What a shame to start your married life thousands of dollars in debt already!

I've never married, and I can't say I miss it much. I might have liked to wear the white dress, but that whole thing about spending the rest of your life compromising with someone else just does not appeal to me in the least, lol.

I really believe there are some things that are best left to professionals, and food for receptions is one of them. Although I did get food poisoning at one of my niece's catered wedding receptions. It was sure nice of all the ladies and gents to pitch in and help get everything set up.

I think this afternoon you should take a stack of magazines, a dish of chocolates, and a large glass of wine, lock yourself in the bathroom, and take a nice, hot bubble bath, and don't come out for ANYTHING until your legs feel good again!!

[annielinz]

Marie, I thought about you yesterday and was sending you good thoughts:).
I'm glad you survived and you were a great sport to take this endeavor on! I hope the couple appreciate all you did to make their wedding day special. But what were they thinkin':confused:

Just think, this is going to make your graduation party be a "piece of cake' no pun intended:D Try to throw in a little relax time today to recharge your batteries.


Lisa, your wedding story was the sweetest ever:o

[rubyslippers]

I'm just catching up on the posts and it sounds busy around here.

Marie, you are such a nice person. Of course, we already knew this, but still - - it sounds like you are a busy lady. I'm glad it worked out. Some of it sounds a little "odd" - - (like why were they figuring this stuff out at the last minute?) - - but, people get a little zany at weddings.

Lisa, I love your story as well. I think it speaks to the fact that there is a "right" wedding for everyone. Some people want to hold-hands in the backyard. Other people dream of Cinderella ball-gowns. Some people want things to be a little "over-the-top" because they want the day to feel "different" than just another Saturday. Other people would rather have a quiet ceremony on a Tuesday because they want the rest of their lives to be quiet Tuesdays so-to-speak.

I can't rationalize a wedding with a price-tag equivalent to a home mortgage; however, I do understand the ceremony and the ritual involved. Sometimes, things like this just take on a life of their own and the kindness of acquaintances makes it all work out.

The thing about this story that troubles me is that I still can't really get over an adult asking a group of teenagers if they would be willing to take care of something like this - - even if they are all fabulously responsible, having a grown-up in charge is always REALLY important. It is also one of those things that is hard to say no to and you and Ashley weren't really given an opportunity to privately discuss the situation. With that said, you are a good person and it worked out. Whew!

[ChapterTwo]

I've never married, and I can't say I miss it much. I might have liked to wear the white dress, but that whole thing about spending the rest of your life compromising with someone else just does not appeal to me in the least, lol.


You definitely have a point, shabbychick! Sometimes I regret not having a "Mr. Right", but then I think about how I have grown to love doing what I want WHEN I want, and I think twice.

P.S. - The whole white dress thing is nice for the time it lasts, but the day is fleeting...

[ChapterTwo]

Marie...Do you know how long the youth minister and his (now) wife were planning this wedding? Doesn't seem like there was much planning involved, actually! The idea was to spring everything on everyone at the last minute, it seems...

[Suz]

Ahhh...procrastinators...

Well, I'm glad everything fell into place and you charged through and got it all done! Whew!

Now it's time to tackle another project with the garage-- Well, kudos to you--you're not waiting until the last minute! ;)

[mac78]

I too am not sure why they didn't have the reception at the church, except it definately wouldn't of been big enough. I bet there was at least 200 people there, and there is no way they would of fit. I know they did the wedding and reception on an extremely samll budget. Ladies of the church making food and all.

The cake....the wedding cake was a 2 tiered very small cake. They cut 1 slice out and put the rest in the fridge. None of the guest ate.....and I LOVE wedding cake. lol

They are also hosting another reception in Pennsylvania, where the groom is from in a week or two. I don't know who is in charge of that one.....but it won't be me. ;)

Last year Austin graduated, and we cleaned out the garage very well and painted it. I also bought serving dishes and platters and have a good idea what to do.

Today I washed down the garage walls, we shop vac the floor, washed down the garage doors. Cleaned it all up. Washed out the freezer and fridge that are in there. I set up a table in the garage, washed up all my serving dishes, put them in plastic bags and sat them on the table and covered with a sheet to stay clean. Working on final food list and what I need to get yet. Washed out the coolers. Friday, Ashley and I made her table decorations. I am getting there. It helped having things from last year ready to use....I just packed them away for this year.

I have a lot to do thru the house yet. I have a grad party tonight. Tomorrow is the actual graduation.....and I know I am gonna cry. Crazy crazy around here. I am starting to delegate jobs to people....sending Ashley to grocery store, etc. I just can't do it all.....And a margarita sounds so so good right now! :) Thanks for all your kind thoughts. At least my leg cramps went away....gosh I must be getting old.

[mac78]

As for weddings....Dave and I had a nice, fun wedding, but it was not fancy. We paid for it all ourselves. I made all the table decorations, I made the boutineers, coursages, and my cousin made my bouquet. My dress was made by a little old lady and so were the two bridemaids dresses. It was definately a wedding on a budget. But, everyone got enough to eat, we had beer and a DJ and had lots of fun. I think it is stupid to put thousands in a wedding too, I would rather buy new furniture, washer and dryer, etc. I guess if you have the money, ok, but to go into debt for a big fancy wedding, no way.

[yarborough house]

Marie,

You did great. I hope when the look back on the wedding they realize the great help that you were.
I have graduation too this year. My son is graduating from High School. I am dreading it as he is my first and mine from a previous bad marriage. He has been with me so long and we have made it through some crap. He is my sounding board and always listens and offers suggestions. I will miss him when he goes to college but he has turned into an awesome young man and I am proud of him. I will cry my eyes out I know it. We are getting off easy as he doesn't want a grad party at all. So, we might take him out to eat and other than that and gifts not sure what he'll do. Probably hang with friends as that is what they do at this age.
They grow up so fast.

[ChapterTwo]

They cut 1 slice out and put the rest in the fridge. None of the guest ate.....and I LOVE wedding cake. lol




That part about the cake just cracks me up! How could they be so cheap? Heck, if they couldn't afford cake for everyone, they shouldn't have had a cake...period. They could have just had cookies.

Gee, I hope they can scrape some money together when they go to PA - Oh, I guess they'll just find some good hearted souls to take advantage of there too. I'm sorry - excuse me for saying this but these people don't sound like very good Christians. :confused:

[RoseMary]

mac, I'm so glad to hear that everything turned out okay and you got the help you needed! I've been thinking about you all weekend and wondering how everything turned out!

I'm with all of you on not spending too much on weddings. Everyone wants 'their' day to be special, but they have to remember that the wedding is not what marriage is all about!

Like you, mac, we made all of our flower arrangements out of silk flowers and bought a few ferns to decorate the church with. I bought my dress second hand. Hubby's aunt made the cake and we served mints and punch with it at the reception. It was a beautiful day for us and we didn't break the bank:).

[jabbrley]

Yep, I'm with you ladies who believe in weddings not costing an arm and a leg. When I watch the "Whose Wedding Is It" type of shows, I think how ridiculous it all is. You're just as much married by a judge at the court house as you are after a lavish, costly, 6 digit wedding.... and the truth is that the next day, all the food you've paid for ends up in the same place! (la toilette!)

Ours was a second wedding...low budget, my mother and I made my dress (I designed it from 2 different patterns and a bunch of ideas that kept popping up!) I also made my granddaughters flower girl dress. I used artificial flowers and made all the floral things. We had a fun reception, a nice meal, and a great day.

The week before our ceremony, my daughter's best friend got married. Her parents remortgaged their home to pay for a $30,000 wedding. PS, the couple split up not two years later.

Moral: money can't buy happiness.

~Kath