My life a bit in turmoil

[yarborough house]

Okay felt I could share with you all..so here goes.
I am a bit out of sorts right now. Earlier this week we went through a huge scare. My son sent me a text message late at night telling me life wasn't worth living and that he'd rather die. That he has been thinking of the best way to kill himself and that I should have seen all the signs. I freaked to say the least. Then his best friend from college IM'd me and said that he has been really depressed lately and that he has her scared tonight as he really wants to die.

He is over 3 hours away. My husband is in Afghanistan and I am here with 3 kids..I kept calling him but he would not answer. I texted and he said I wasn't supposed to get that message till morning and that scared me more. I told him to call me and he said no. This went on for an hour. Finally he called and I spent the next hour and half with a boy who is 18 and thought he knew it all and was all grown up and didn't need anyone crying and sobbing that he felt he was a failure - that he was not doing well in school and didn't want to disappoint us, that he hasnt' made many friends, that he hasn't been happy for some time. That he was miserable.

We got through that night and the next 2 days. He is home now and we are going to see a doctor today..
I am scared. I am terrified. I feel useless. I feel like I did something or everything wrong. I want to hold home and take away the pain.
I want my happy boy back..and by God I will get him back.
I will do everything in my power to help him and all I ask is if you have a some room in your prayers please say some for my boy Josh..he needs any help he can get..I love him way to much to lose him.

thanks ladies for listening..

[mac78]

I am so sorry, thankfully he has friends that saw the signs and care for him and called you. I wish you the best. How scary. We will always love our children, no matter what.

[Lynzee]

I am so sorry, YH. How terrifying that must have been for all of you. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and I'm sending you strength.

[Heather]

Be strong girl - for your entire family. Hugs.

[Gigi]

Prayers on the way... OMGoodness you must have been beside yourself. Thank God he is home, and you are going to see a doctor with him.

It was a blessing you received the text ~ I think it's a good sign he is telling you exactly what is making him unhappy... and intervention can begin.

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs...

[vintage girl]

I am so very sorry you are going through this. Thank god you received that text. Please know I will be thinking of you and your son. My daughter has a friend that went through a very similar experience right after she left home for college. Luckily they got her back home and got her the help she needed. She was just overwhelmed with life basically. She goes to counseling now and is on an anti-depressant and is doing wonderful. It is a day at a time. You can do this. I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers.

[CohenCottage]

Oh Tammy, I'm so sorry you and your son are having such a tough time. I can't imagine how scary that night must have been. In the future (and for anyone else reading that might need to know), you can always call the police and they will take him to the ER to be evaluated and stabilized. They have to keep him if they think he's a danger to himself or others, and that option will at least keep him safe until you can figure out the next step.

Hopefully he will like working with his new therapist. If you have any questions about his treatment or different options, please feel free to PM me, and I'll put you in touch with my hubby. The majority of his clients in his practice are college kids. Good luck, and we will all be thinking about you.

[RoseMary]

Tammy, I'll be praying for Josh and for all of you. I'm sorry you're having to go through this with your hubby so far away. I'm so glad that you have Josh home with you. Just being with all of you that love him will be so good for him and get him through all of this. Kids have so much pressure on them these days that they need all the help they can get.

[yarborough house]

Thanks you guys. He seems much more up here at home but we'll see what the doc says. Fortunatley the doc is someone he knows and feels really comfortable around. It is his swim coach's wife. He talked a bit to her today.

For me I don't know what I am supposed to do. I feel as if I am walking on egg shells and afraid to say something. Like he gets the munchies and eats when bored- he has always done this so I say - are you hungry or just bored? Or I say- you've been munching enough - let it go till dinner..well with all of this I am afraid to say anything.

I feel I am supposed to be comforting and supportive but am I suppose to just let him do whatever he wants regardless or does his usualy upbringing stay intact.?

Hopefully tonight will show some light on it all. Fortunately he emailed all his professors and told them he was having some personal issues and was going home to see a psychiatrist and they were cool with it.

Well they say God doesn't give us more than we can handle but right now I am wondering? I am alright - just feel useless and scared.

[Gigi]

I'm glad to hear he's home...I'd be on eggshells too-AND glad because he sounds like he will certainly get the help/advice he needs...

Hang in there.

[vintage girl]

Tammy,

Are you going to be meeting with the doctor or a counselor also? I think that would be very important, so you can get your questions answered. Especially how to deal with it on a daily basis. I went to counseling re: my stepdaughter for several years. Emotional issues, behaviour issues, etc. She saw a doctor and a counselor on her own. My hubs and I went together and also on our own, and than we did family counseling, which included my daughter as well. It made a world of a difference. My stepdaughter felt "safe" because she was able to have private individual counseling . And her father and I, as well as my daughter, benefitted and learned coping skills and also how to deal with our feelings about the situation. Familys, even when everything is going well are full of complex dynamics and situations, but when things break down, we all need the extra help and support, and counseling can provide that. I will say that I was advised to keep the daily family routine as "normal" as possible. But that was in my situation, and every situation is different. Please know I will be thinking about you and if you need a shoulder, please feel free to contact me.

[yarborough house]

Thanks all- we went to the counselor tonight. Josh went back and met with her alone as that is what he wanted and I respect that. She came out and got me to come back at the end. He is not bipolar as that is not what we wanted and she said that is good. He has severe depression with depression episodes that get to suicidal levels.
She recommended meds for him and weekly counseling sessions with her and the doctor. She said I would be broughti into sessions a bit down the road.
But she said my role is to just be supportive and listen for now. That life at home is to be as always was..but to just not dwell on the issue of sleep as that is one that they need to work on. She did say that setting a max time up at midnight and waking him by 11 for now is good - no more than that for sleep. But that he does have sleep issues also - as he will go about 2 days not sleeping then crash. He can't fall asleep and she said it is something that happens with depression and they will work on it.

he needs to see her and the doc weekly and because of him being 3 hours away at college she said that going back to college probably wouldn't work out and I could feel his stress level rise next to me. He said I don't want ot quit school - I don't like being a quitter. I asked if school was part of the problem or was it being 3 hours away. She said well we need to see him weelkly while on the meds at first and that is far away. I then said he only has classes on tuesday and thursday so if he could come home thursday night and then be home for friday, saturday, sunday and monday till about 4 would that work out- he could see you all on friday or early monday. She said if he would come home each weekend then that would be fine. He said he'd do whatever she felt was necessary but would prefer not to quit school if he had the option.

He meets with her again on tuesday next week while on spring break and then meets with the doc on thursday so we'll know mroe than. But he did tell her that the night - monday when he wanted to die pretty much was a 10 on the scale or 1-10 with 1 good and 10 bad but since being home he has been around a 2-3. that is good.

He's going to make it I know he will and I will do whatever I have to - to help him.
thanks for being here - it helps me to have you all to talk to.

[Gigi]

One day-night at a time. Thoughts prayers with your whole family.

You know we'd give ya a group hug if we could.

[chyna]

Having someone to talk to makes all the difference. I attempted in the 8th grade, luckily Tylenal in large quantities just makes you out of it. One reason I don't trust myself to ever do drugs or alcohol, I liked it too much. anyhow I started talking to my school counselor and it was great. At least until he left because he had cancer (and sadly cancer was one of the roots of my problems-loss of a grandparent).

I'd like to say that those thoughts go completely away but in my case they never really have. I just give myself a mental kick in the rump and do something to get my mind off of it.

Keep up the work you're doing, also see if the college has a counselor for him to go to while there. Think support system.

[Heather]

Tammy it sounds like you're on top of it, I'm just sorry you're having to go though this. I'm not qualified to give you advice nor can I draw from personal experiences but I can listen any time you want to vent. I'm here for ya sista and I'm thinking of you and your family.

[Carrie]

Prayers and hugs from me. I am glad he showed some signs and that they weren't ignored. I hope the medicine and counceling help him.

[memmey]

Awwwwh please God watch over this baby..... Yar don't put any pressure on him right now. Let home be a soft place .
When my son got tattoos I thought I had been a horrible Mother and I cried and cried. I thought he was gonna join the circus. :(

An older friend ask me if they were eternal....eternal? well nooo... so she said then don't sweat it, leave him alone and just love him.

Yar just be your normal self but with an extra pat or hug. Life is hard for grown -ups these days and it makes me so sad that our children have the pressures of this society now.

He is in my prayers and so are you friend.

[ChapterTwo]

I feel I am supposed to be comforting and supportive but am I suppose to just let him do whatever he wants regardless or does his usualy upbringing stay intact.?



I'm sorry you're all having to go through this, Tammy. Life can be so hard!

As for what you wrote above, I think you should be as close to your old self as you can be right now, with the weight of this. Try not to treat him "different" in any way...by that, I mean don't be smothery, but just caring. He still needs to follow the normal rules of the household.

If there are any things that you all used to do as a family in days gone by, (for instance, our family always played Scrabble), then do that, if you can steal an hour or so.

Brighter days are coming, my friend. Keep the lines of communication open.

[Les B]

Tammy,
You are his mom and always will be don't change he needs you to be his touchstone and strong! If you don't give him the norm in everything he does he will feel your fear and disappointment. You, my friend have what it takes,be strong and remember what doesn't kill us makes us stronger and this to shall pass.
Les B