My heart is broken

[vintage girl]

My father had a gall bladder attack on Tuesday, went to ER. They got him stabalized and sent him home. He went back on Wednesday to his primary doctor and they admitted him for emergency surgery. He has a heart condition, so they had to stabalize his cumadin level. On Thursday before they were able to stabilize him, he had a major heart attack. He has been on a ventilator ever since. My husband and I picked up my sister from LAX yesterday so she could see my Dad before we take him off the ventilator. Saturday, we will be saying our final goodbyes to my Dad. I am numb. I am destroyed. I cannot stand to see my dad hooked up to that ventilator. But on the other hand, I don't want to let him go. He raised me, he loved me, he taught me what family is. He has always been there for me. And believe me, I was a handful. He would bake cakes with me, take me with him everywhere. I learned to type in his office on the military bases. He called me Scooter because I scooted instead of crawled when I was a baby. He called me Scooter just last week. He is a very over the top person, always laughing and joking. Always saying something outrageous. I definately got that part of my personality from my Dad. I have been unable to sleep. My eyes are raw from crying. And that makes me mad. My Dad would want me to be laughing, joking and driving my Mom nuts. My Mom is having a very hard time. Their 60th wedding anniversary is this November. My mom was only 16 when they got married. I have to be strong for her. But my heart is breaking. How can I do this????? Please keep my family and my Daddy in your thoughts today.

[Heather]

Big hugs VG - be strong.

[Gigi]

Vintage Girl- My heart aches for you as I read this...my prayers, my thoughts are with you, and your family at this time. Your father sounds like a wonderful man, a wonderful father.

Big hugs ~

[annielinz]

Vintage girl, my eyes welled up reading this. I have been in your spot and I know how you feel. Your Dad sounds like a great father, friend and mentor. My thoughts are with you and your family.
(((hugs)))
Mary Ann

[MaryK]

Vintage Girl I am crying and praying for you and Daddy.
My thoughts are with you !!

MaryK

[shabbychick]

((Vintage Girl,)) I am so very sorry about your dad. He sounds like a wonderful person who passed on to you the very best of who he was. You will always have that and will be able to honor his memory through being who you are...who he made you to be. Letting go is hard, I know. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts today.

[memmey]

Vin......my Dad is gravely ill right now and he is hanging on with a feeding tube. My Mama was on a ventilator when she died.
Listen.... if they cannot save your Dad then God is being kind to take him now. If you could see my Daddy it is horrible. I cannot go an hour that I don't think about him and how he would never have wanted this.
I think that God was kind to Mama she did not linger long, about 4 weeks. I don't know if she suffered. I prayed and prayed that she didn't.
Vin it is gonna be hard to watch when they turn that dial down on the ventilator.......I believe what God told us....we will go to our reward in paradise. I pray you can be strong for your Mom. Oh Vin I am so sorry. You are in my prayers. The gift my Mama left me is that I am not afraid to die....my Mama went before me and will be waiting on me when my time comes and it is a comfort to think about her being whole and well and in God's hands. Vin...my Mama got to see Jesus's face.......
If you need to talk private I am here for you .

[Lisa S]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My only words of wisdom are to live through each day as it comes. Some will be horrible and some less so. Evenutally you'll find joy again. All my loving thoughts are sent your way.

[ChapterTwo]

vintage girl - My heart aches to know what you're going through. It was hard to let my Mom go...but it was so traumatic with Dad. If we are lucky (and you and I were), we've had a strong and loving Daddy - to see him ill is unthinkable.

I can only echo the other ladies - take it one day at a time and be strong for your Mom. That will help her AND it will help you...

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Memmey - I'm so sorry for your heartache too. My Mom lingered, so I know...

A big hug to both of you.

[Breezy]

vintage girl - I'm so sorry for your pain. We know that our parents will not live forever but somehow we expect them to. It's a shock to see them less than their vital selves.
It sounds like your father was a wonderful man - always remember that you are and always will be a part of him. Nothing can change that.
If you need to cry then do so don't try to hold it back - this is no time to try to keep a stiff upper lip. Your heart is aching and you have every right to cry.
I heard something long ago that might help you right now - remember that "death ends life not love". Your wonderful father will always be in your heart - he will always be with you. God bless you and your family - I hope you will find comfort in this most difficult time.

[shabbychic52]

Im so sorry to hear about your father.He sounds like a wonderful person. Prayers are with you and your family

[RoseMary]

Vintagegirl~I am praying for all of you during this hard time. I know you want to be strong and brave for everyone else, but give yourself a chance to mourn, too. Love lives on and you'll always have your dad's love and memories with you.

Hugs,

R~Mary

[yarborough house]

Vintage I am so sorry for all of this you are going through. Your daddy raised an awesome woman and though he taught you all the things about loving life he somehow taught you about caring and understanding also.
He cares about you and would so understand you falling apart.
It is okay to cry- it is okay to scream. You need to be strong for your mom that is true but not before you get to be weak for you.
Take time for YOU. Take time to mourn your daddy- it is understandable.
Once you have taken that time - put that behind you and from then on - take time to remember his life- to remember all the good things he did with you. Those memories are the things that keep him alive in your forever. Because even though he has left this life- he remains in you for the remainder of yours.
Daddy's don't leave their "scooters" alone..they just reside somewhere else for you to visit- your heart.

love and prayers are with you.
tammy

[Lynzee]

Oh, VintageGirl...I am so, so sorry. My heart just aches for you because I understand what you are going through. My father had a massive heart attack and remained on a ventilator until I could arrive. It was all so heartbreaking.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and I'm sending you strength.

((((VintageGirl and Family))))

[memmey]

Well Vin's thread is as good as any to say.....my Daddy died this morning.
No more suffering and he is in God's hands for safe Keeping till I see him again one day. Poor little Papa.

Vin your are in my prayers.

[ChapterTwo]

Oh, Memmey, I am so sorry.
As many of us have said, we don't want our loved ones to suffer a long time, which your poor papa did, so we're not sorry that that part is over.
But we're sorry that a special time in our lives is over - the special PEOPLE in our life are physically gone (but within our spirits).
I'm crying as I type this because those of us who had wonderful Daddys feel your pain. And for those who weren't as lucky, I cry for them for them as well.

As you said, your Daddy is in God's hands now, and he's whole and he's smiling...and waiting for the time when you'll all be together again.

A big hug from me, ((((((Memmey))))))

[shabbychick]

Ah, Memmey, I'm sorry to hear about your dad. It's a positive that his suffering is over, of course, but the aftermath is hard for those left behind. Both my parents had lingering deaths, so I know how you feel. Know that you are in my thoughts as you grieve.

[Gigi]

Memmey- So sorry to hear- prayer & thoughts with you and your family.

[Lynzee]

I am so very sorry for your loss, Memmey. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing that he is with God and his suffering is over and that his love for you will live on inside you forever. I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

((((Memmey))))

[annielinz]

Memmey I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad.

(((hugs to you)))
Mary Ann

[yarborough house]

Oh Memmy- so sorry for your loss.
But as you said he isn't suffering now and of course he will greet you later when it is your time.
You have such a great outlook on it all..I admire that.

My prayers are with you.

[RoseMary]

So sorry to hear about your dad, memmey, but as you said, he is safe at 'home', now. My prayers are with you and your family.

Hugs,

R~Mary

[vintage girl]

Oh Memmey, I am so very sorry. Our dads are so precious to us. I wanted to thank all of you for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. I have a lot of acquaintances, but very few friends. I consider you all my friends. I would have been honored to have introduced you all to my dad.

[memmey]

I'm leaving for North Louisiana tomorrow . My nephew and his family are picking me up. Vin..what about your Dad? I wanted to check on you before I go. Are you alright? I just wondered how things were.
I will be back on Thursday. I think the funeral will be Wednesday if things are as we hoped.

[mac78]

Ladies, I am so sorry for both of you. I lost my dad 7 years ago and my step dad 2 years ago. It is hard. But the memories are great.

Thinking of you both.

[Gigi]

Dear Vintagegirl & Memmey ~ Thinkin' about you both...

[vintage girl]

Thanks for thinking of me Memmey. I am going with my Mom and Sister today to make arrangements. Dad will be cremated and will be laid to rest with my brother in Point Loma, CA. My mom is not ready to do this quite yet, so we will be bringing my Dad's ashes home to their house and will have just a small memorial sometime this week. We will probably take him to Point Loma in November, the same month of his birthday and their 60th anniversary. It was very very hard to remove my Dad from the vent, but once it was done, I was amazingly at peace. He looked so much better without all the tubes. Even though my Dad was on a vent fro three days, he basically just went to sleep. He was asleep when he had the heart attack and never woke up. I am taking solace in the fact that he never appeared in pain. The hospital staff was incredible. I am stopping by there on my way to the Mortuary today, to take them some cookies and fruit from my garden to thank them. They were so compassionate and really treated us wonderful during this hard time. Thanks again for all your support.

Memmey I will be thinking of you.

[Breezy]

Memmy - I was sorry to read about your father. I hope you will find comfort in the memories of your sweet Papa. God bless you and your family.

[Les B]

Ladies,
So sorry for your losses prayers are with you both. Your dad's memories will keep them alive in your hearts forever.

Les B

[Carrie]

Praying for you all in Ky.

[chyna]

boy I skip a week on here and things go south and sideways!:(

Memmey and Vintage Girl

Sincere condolences on the passing of your dad and papa's. No matter how long it takes it always seems too soon. My brother-in-law died 3yrs ago and it still seems unconceivable to us all.

Sorry in Montana
tanya

[memmey]

Hey Vin are you OK?

The funeral is over and I need to get myself back into normal life. It was an emotional roller coaster last week. I felt extremely sad and in an instant I felt relief. I had to endure my Dad's family. They have been WAY less than gracious to us. My Mother didn't like them and we were not around them much as kids. I see now why she did not like them. Look up the word "drama" in the dictionary and you will see my Dad's side of the family in a group picture I am sure.

My Daddy was a good man. He was an appliance repairman/electrician.
I want to tell you this funny story if I can. I'm not great with sentence structure so just read this as a good story and try to not to circle the mistakes. OK?

Before I was born my Dad and a partner started an appliance repair shop. If you are old enough you will remember that TV's had tubes in them and everyone listened to the radio.
Anyway a little boy of color asked my Dad for a job sweeping up, he was about 10. He walked all the way from the other side of town with no shoes. For real. Papa asked around about him and found they had no electricity and lived in a shack. He hired him and everyday he walked to work , Pop paid him and he took it home to his Mama...no Dad.
His name was James and Pop called him "Red". Over the years that passed Papa taught him about appliance repair and taught him how to be an electrican. My Dad helped him get his electrical license. This was before intergration and in the red neck town I was born in this was not the norm.

When I came along he was known to me and my sister as a good friend to our family. I never not knew of Red. Every Christmas for my whole life he brought my Dad a Christmas gift and Papa always gave him one. My Dad could call on him for anything and he would be there.

When Papa went into the nursing home he visited every other week for 2 years. It was an hour drive and he always came.

Now fast forward to the funeral....One of my Dad's sisters who has given us a hard time even when we were trying to doing the best we could. The sister that always protrayed us in a negative light when it was not deserved....well Red came to the wake and when we saw him he was a beacon light in a room of negativity. We grabbed on to him and he hugged us both with all his might .He had tears in his eyes and told us how much he loved my Dad and how grateful he was for what Papa had done for him. ( He is now 72 and retired from the school board as their electrician.)
My aunt came over in her best condecending voice asked Red " Well, now who are you?" ...Red looked her straight in the eye and said. " I'm Mr. Ray's black son and these are my little sisters."
OMGosh :eek: It was all I coould do not to fall on the floor laughing and I swear God sent us that so we could laugh and celebrate Papa. Her mouth fell open and she could have caught flies. :p
He winked at us and we hung onto him and didn't want to let go. It was spectacular!!! He explained to her that before intergration that Papa sat him at our table and fed him when he was hungry and that these 2 girls ( my sister and I) were little babies at the time and Mr. Ray made sure he was not hungry. My Aunt was shocked to say the least. SOooo the family that tried to make us think that they knew my Dad better than we did, huh! they didn't know about Red.
My Dad did a good deed and in the end it made me so proud to know that it was appreciated and the loyality that Red felt for my Dad was intact to the end of his days.
Oh and lastly because my Dad loved a good joke.... the funeral hearse was driving to the wrong cemetary till my nephew, driving the immediate car behind the hearse, started freaking out and called the funeral home and they called the funeral director in the hearse and they made a right turn at the last minute to drive to the correct one.......I think Papa would have laughed and laughed. For me???I wanted a big glasss of wine and some quiet time...*L*

[Gigi]

Dear Memmey ~ Truly this is one of the best stories I have EVER read- it's so heart warming, loving.... so so great. What a fine man, a fine person your father was... This story really could be a movie- a good darn one at that.

You & Vin are in my thoughts... thank you again for sharing such a wonderful story.

[ChapterTwo]

Memmey - There is no better story than a good, true story!
It's certainly heart warming to hear that your Papa didn't see color in a time and place when and where it was usually ALL people saw. His kindness to Red was always remembered, and he changed the course of Red's life.
Thank you so much for sharing...

[yarborough house]

Memmy- what a great story. Your father was way before his time and what a grand man he was. It isnt' what you have that makes you happy it is who you have and your father had one hell of a family and one true friend in Red.

I love that he was so kind in the face of a country that wasn't. He saw a boy as a boy that needed help and helped him. His color didn't even factor in and in doing this he gave you two girls a great "big brother".
You should be so proud of your family.

And on the dad's family- I get you sister- my hubby's family is the exact same way- DRAMA. They don't like me - never have from day one because I was the divorced girl with a kid who gosh forbid was not a Texas native. And how dare I get their son to fall in love with me. They have not had anything to do with me or the kids in over 7 years..Before that they only dealt with us because their son was visiting with us in tow. Now they beg him to come visit and always end the plea with - it doesn't have to be expensive because we dont' care if you don't bring the family we just want to see you.
Can you believe they saw Jack when we left the state and he was 3 months and they have never laid eyes on Sophie. Sad isn't it that they just can't get over it and not take it out on innocent kids.

[annielinz]

Oh Memmey, thank you for sharing such a wonderful story. Your father sounds like a treasure as does Red!

[mac78]

What a heartfelt story. Thank you.

[RoseMary]

That is truly a wonderful story, memmey! Thank you so much for sharing it with us. Your Papa would be proud:)! He sounds like he was a wonderful papa and a beautiful person.

[vintage girl]

Memmy,

What a great story. My Dad would have loved it and laughed and laughed. I am doing well. I have a bit of drama in my family right now. My older sister is here with my Mom right now. I appreciate it very much. But let's just say that there is always a "reason" for what she does. But I am not going to dwell on it. My Dad used to always say "If you sit on something cold for too long, you will get piles". Heck if I know what that means, but their isn't nothing colder than my sister:rolleyes: I am just going to watch out for my mom. And she is not as dumb as my sister thinks. She has her affairs in order, especially the financial. One thing that did come out of all this sadness, is the resolve to get my own affairs in order. I have an appt to do my Living Trust and have filed a DNR with my health care provider. Luckily my parents already had a Living Trust in place, so nothing has to go through probate. This makes it so much easier for my mother. Memmey my Dad was a good and caring man, just like yours was. Here is a story that makes me so proud of him:

Once when we were traveling between military bases, we were at a gas station and their was a young couple with no money for gas. My Dad filled up their car. They were so grateful, that the husband tried to give my Dad his watch. When we got back in the car, my Dad told me and my sister that we would have to skip lunch, as he had given our food money away. We made it into the military base on fumes, but laughed the whole way. Luckily Mom always carried bread and peanut butter. That was the best lunch I have ever had.

That was just one example of My Dad's thoughtfullness and caring for his fellow man. He would give the shirt off his back, and did many many times over the years. He never met a stranger and never ever had a harsh word for his family or friends. I have a feeling that our dads have already met up in Heaven, as good people always have a way of finding each other. To both our Dad's until we reunite again. Bless them and ourselves.

[ChapterTwo]

vintage girl - it seems that every family has at least one relative like your sister (sometimes more!) :rolleyes:
You've got the right idea - just keep a watchful eye out for your Mom.

And yes, as we "move up", it's certainly the time to get our affairs in order. Not the happiest thing to do but once you do it, you can forget it, and rest more easily.

I loved the story about your Dad and his selfless ways! He sounds like a wonderful man, vintage girl, and your family was blessed to have him. Reliving memories of our loved ones keeps them ever present in our lives. And those of us who were lucky to have good families had it ALL. :D
Thank you for sharing!

[Breezy]

Thank you for sharing your wonderful stories vintage girl & memmy.:)

[memmey]

Hey Vin....we have alot in common I think.
I'm glad that your well, probably a little in shock still. I had a long goodbye with my Dad but you, on the other hand, have to process the suddeness of your Dad's death. You sound good .I hope you feel the same.
Hey maybe they did cross paths in heaven....
The loose ends now are huge in front of my sister and I. The house , the contents, his clothes, the items in the nursing home.....oh my ...one step at a time.
I feel like I have forgoten something, you know like I forgot to lock the door or the waters running. I'm a little ditsey and really fatigued. I need some quiet time and a fresh air quiet walk to think. I guess that will come later.

I'm glad I got to meet you here Vin and I am sorry we had to share this past week in our lives. Hummm maybe we were meant to be here........:)

[Gigi]

VGirl- OMGoodness that sorry of the kindness of your father has warmed my heart- I bet that peanut butter sandwich was the best!

No wonder you and Ms. Memmey are so totally awesome- look at your backgrounds!

[yarborough house]

Vintage girl- dang you - you made me cry and laugh all at once. Your dad sounds like he was an awesome man and I wish I could have met both of your fathers.

[cheapdiva]

Ladies -

I have missed so much lately . . .

VIN & Memmey, your daddies raised wonderful ladies and it is obvious you both loved your dads. Mine has been gone 15 years this Father's Day and I miss him daily. Girls and their dads!

Both of you are in my thoughts.

[chyna]

memmey I loved the story about Red!!! I hope you will always be in contact with Red, he sounds like quite a gem. My honorary great-uncle would be alot like your dads, they just have a different sense of place. True good souls.

As for drama, that would be my dh's family. For people who go on and on about family they are least close-knit group I've ever met. :rolleyes: And apparently nobody ever taught them to stop and think before you open your mouth, somethings are just not right to be uttering. Like being thankful that your new grandbaby was born early (6wks early) because you were afraid she'd be born around the same time as your dead sister. :mad: Oh yes, I was none too gracious about that. Honestly the kid was in the NICU hooked up to machines and tubes running all over the place. I could have strangled that old bat.:eek: